Well, I was going to nap. That didn't quite work out for me, I think I have too much on my mind to sleep. I spent the entire night with Dom and Nick, except it was mostly Nick since I kept Dom outside so that I could fuck Nick all night which was shitty of me as a friend. He doesn't seem to mind right now, though, as long as I let him sleep and don't bother him.
So, here I am. Four months out of a relationship and jumping and falling around this roller coaster of love. Hahaha. Trying to enjoy life to the fullest, and my views on everything are changing because I'm coming off of my medication. It's cool, I can feel all the highs and lows. I'm becoming more and more delusional the more I don't have it in my system. I can live off in fantasy land again, and that scares me. The medicine makes me an emotionless, dreamless, robot. I kind of preferred that. Trying to figure out the best thing for myself, and maybe right now isn't the right time to stop such an important medication? Either way I need to stop letting everything trickle through my fingers. Like I'm holding a bunch of sand and I could hold it, but I'm too lazy to just keep my fingers closed so I'm losing it all. I'll have to rebuild my sand now, and try to hold on tight to it this time. Keep my fingers closed, my eyes open, and focusing on the task at hand. I refuse to let my being stoned right now make me lazy today, I just want Dom to get his sleep in before I make him run around with me.
The whole point of this is to document my experience right now, hopefully typing it out will motivate me, help me to understand all of the things happening within myself.
We may lose and we may win, but we will never be here again. Take it easy.